We as men face many challenges today.  There are so many choices, everything is on demand, and we can get what we want when we want it.  One of the conversations we have had in our men’s group is the difference between being in a monogamous versus poly-monogamous relationship.   The men who I talked to about relationship say that yes we have all kinds of sexual attractions  to other men and women.  It is what we do, and is a normal energy.    My practice is to feel the attraction as energy in my body, enjoy my aliveness, and open my heart.  I am grateful for those energies.  Then I direct those feelings back to my partner, maybe get her some flowers, tell her that I love her.  In my sphere I have found that a monogamous relationship works well for myself and my partner.  Of course the sexual identity revolution is exploding and everyone is free to choose, and as long as both parties are consensual and of age, the I have no problem with what people are choosing

I do believe that we live in a culture where we don’t appreciate our significant other enough.  (It starts with ourselves)  The practice of appreciation is an exercise in opening up our right brain, so instead of seeing the glass half empty, or focusing on the blind spot, or the part that needs fixing, we instead see the world in a different light.  That is right, we see the light instead of the dark.

The second practice is one of devotion.  Even if we take one minute everyday to express gratitude, apology, surrender, and acknowledgement, our energies become a blessing to the other.

Another aspect is what I call the “art of listening”  This is an art and a skill something I developed while studying at the Shalom Mountain Retreat Center in upstate New York.    When someone is really sharing, can I be silent, still, and listen with the spaciousness of the vastness that I experience looking at the ocean, or up in the sky.    Can I access both my masculine and feminine side by listening with empathy, compassion, and being aware, present and solid.  I don’t believe I am here to give advice, or change someone.  In fact, when I have the talking stick, I don’t want any feedback.  I have been in many groups where we practice this way of listening.  Most of the time, we just want to be heard without trying to have someone “fix us.”    Part of our masculine nature is to be answer-driven and yet all this analysis creates more separation and possibly defensiveness which is one of the reactions I have felt when I share deeply and someone wants to give me the advice they think I need.

The other practice I want to share is the art of keeping your word.  For a man in our culture today, I think it is important to make promises that you can keep.  Challenge brings growth.  There is a great power in being able to keep your word and helps motivate and keep a man on his mission.  I also think that promises can change and as you are honest and clear within yourself when assessing your promises, I also think if a commitment you made no longer serves everyone, you do have the right to change it.  I do think that there is a tendency in our culture for men to live in a hyper masculine trance, full over an overflow of testosterone, and as we set goals and directions, we can over do it.  I know for me I responded to my culture, family, and religion in a way where I decided I needed to live my own life and not follow the traditional path.  This meant trusting my feminine more, sacrificing immediate pleasures, facing my fears, and ultimately living in my heart.  Once I began to balance the masculine and feminine I did become aware of my higher purpose, understanding my soul contract and practiced more fluidity in my life.  As I made promises and kept my word, I did find that as long as I was in alignment with myself and my purpose, I would get energized by being pushed, having obstacles and problems to solve, and this inspired me to feel good.  In keeping my word, I was able to touch into my strength and endurance.  I felt good!

I also feel that sometimes it is a good practice to re-examine our promises and adjust them based on the context.  Life is moving very quickly and changes are happening a lighting speeds so to constantly assess is an important aspect even if it is not comfortable to yourself and others.  Rigidity  reduces energy flow,  and our stress, our putting others first without checking in with our own needs, being unfocused, are all things that cloud our judgment in being able to make and keep promises.

During my day I like to do the following:

1. Set my goals for the day ( and make them doable)
2. I like to do the most challenging task first, the one I might avoid the most
3. I think it is very important to give yourself acknowledgements for showing up, for doing the things that really stretch you
4. Give yourself the option to modify your commitments.  I would do this when you are calm, cool, collected, full of energy, and feeling balanced.

If some reason you do break your commitment, I think it is important to acknowledge your mistake and apologize.  I don’t offer excuses but I just take responsibility for breaking my word.  And remember to forgive yourself—Perfection is in the mistakes… Blaming yourself is counterproductive.  And have a sense of humor!!

As Oscar Wilde once said:  “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes”

Podcast (2020-podcasts): Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS